I feel so split sometimes. Split into two or more different people who function at different times, winning over each other as to who I pick to come out and rule my brain for awhile. First question would be, who is the “I” in this instance and who are the others, but I suppose that question should be left to meditation (or a skilled psychiatrist). Lately I’ve been reading a book called “The Greek Momma’s Kitchen,” which makes me want to run out and gather greens (horta) in the mountains and feed them to my family every day, get some goats to make fresh cheese, and have a vineyard, olive orchard and fruit orchard all at once to make good food with. To keep the cheese and wine that I make in some cave nearby and make vinegar with wine that’s leftover after a wonderful dinner out on the patio. This side is the traditional momma, so to speak. Making food, living on a glorified farm and wondering the mountains. The other side, as many know, is the belly dancing tattooed momma, involved in business and a million other things. Artsy stuff like painting, music, learning languages and politics are the name of the game. She wins over much of the time too. Tinkling Champaign at night and sipping on espresso in the morning. (This side has adapted to being a mother and breastfeeding so these things are not done in excess). But times I’m ready to go tour vineyards and jump into lakes naked, surf the coast and camp on the weekends. Somehow all of these personalities fit together along with whatever else comes along and grabs me by the neck for a month or so. Maybe I’m less scattered than I feel but I’m still me. People said that once I had a baby that I would loose my wanderlust and just want to stay home and clean house. In a way they were right because my wanderlust doesn’t pin me down and tear my heart out anymore (this is a good thing), but it does remind me that there is a whole world out there to meet, cultures to explore and friends who are waiting to share a new experience. I know that one day, as a family, we will be able to visit those places and people. All I realize to do now is explore what is in my immediate area and enjoy it, because it is all fleeting. Life has become like a steady swim, where I don’t kill myself in order to go fast, but I make it challenging enough to leave me pleasantly tired at the end of the day feeling that I did get something accomplished. So to those dancing, cooking, creating, surfing, swimming, language studying, mixed up folks out there- you are not alone. Maybe this is the way God made us, and maybe we are making up for others lack of passion for one thing, and are in turn feeling it for everything.
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